First pregnancy| feedingtube| tpn + hyperemesis

Finding out I was expecting a baby was one of the greatest JOY I’ve experienced. However, I felt so many mix emotions because of my uncertainty, I felt in a very dark place. I was struggling with coming off medication and then my body going through so many changes. Knowing that my mother had difficult and complicated pregnancies, I was expecting for mine not to be easy. I knew what it could happen... Around eight weeks of pregnancy, the sickness started. I was not alarmed, but man it was hard! But It quickly went from bad to worse.

When the feeding tube was placed in, my health progressed. I still couldn’t eat, but I was getting the nutrients my body needed it. I was more active, more alive, and especially feeling like myself again. Having a feeding tube It’s uncomfortable at first. But I was so thankful to feel better, and knowing my baby was too.

Baby was finally growing!

It was a really hard time. People often ask me how did I do it? And my answer is, by the power and strength of Almighty God. There is a particular scripture God kept declaring over that season of my life.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I felt like it was ironic God was telling me he knew what he was doing. Where I clearly thought in my mind he had no idea what he was doing. Regardless of what I felt I didn’t lose hope. I believed everything would come together for my good.

J was born. My little guy weighed 4 pounds and 5 oz. From the moment I laid my eyes on him, I could tell he was such a fighter. He was not here to give up. He was fighting to breathe and to keep himself alive. I was so caught in the moment I didn’t notice he was struggling. The nurse laid him on my chest for a few seconds and then he was taken to the NICU. Josiah was only there for two weeks. We didn't stop praying for a miracle!

My husband often says that when difficult times come, he looks forward to what's about to happen. I always ask why, and he explains, "We already have the power to overcome, so we should confidently face the challenges, knowing we will emerge victorious. It's the positive outcomes that await us on the other side that excite me. All the blessings that come after we endure the hardships."

Enduring hardships can be understood in two ways: It can be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego walking through the fire without getting burned or even smelling like smoke (because they trusted in God's deliverance)

Alternatively, it can be hitting rock bottom and losing all hope because you struggle to trust in God. One important aspect of experiencing victory is knowing who your Creator is and never doubting the purpose He has for your life.

Holding the feeding tube in this picture was something I asked God for months. Just after three days of having Josiah we took it out!

After giving birth I felt different and better. I wasn't sick anymore, and I was actually eating like a normal person. I was ready to put those days behind me. Day by day was a challenge of binding the fear and really renewing my mind that things were different this time. But quickly things changed... One day I woke up and I was sick again. Same symptoms and issues with no explanation or logical reason why. Doctors didn't really know what to look for because they all thought it was pregnancy related.

A second feeding tube was placed on June 1st, 2017.

And that my friend was hard, discouraging, and frustrating. Because of how bad it was every time I got sick. I tried to do a normal life, but I didn't feel normal. I didn't like to go out in public because of weird looks I would get. My husband would always reassure me how amazing and beautiful I always looked. Even when I felt like I was not.

My spirit was weak. I had voices in my head tormenting me day and night. My prayer was the God would show me with his love so I could see myself through his eyes. And little by little the more I understood His love for me, my perspective and attitude toward my situation changed. I was no longer depressed about what I was going through. I rejoiced in my trials because I knew I was coming out of it soon. God is faithful, His promises are true!

TODAY, I CAN TESTIFY AND SAY I AM FEEDING TUBE FREE!!!